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The Silent God

by Crawl Across the Sky

supported by
YomaBarr
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YomaBarr ... and the world, with this album, got a little bit better.
So strong, musically, lyrically and emotionally. So stunningly, hauntingly beautiful. And tender. And fragile.
Life. Life. Life...
𝙅𝙤𝙚 𝙎𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙡𝙡
𝙅𝙤𝙚 𝙎𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙡𝙡 thumbnail
𝙅𝙤𝙚 𝙎𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙡𝙡 Ethereal, divine, haunting and very touching. Like finally understanding deep secrets of life. Really feels like floating naked in sensory deprivation tank and finger-brushing the liquid skins of cosmic entities in a distant place with no time nor space. Nor fear. Meltingly beautiful album. Favorite track: Saturn, the Teacher III: Oh Jesus, How Wondrously We Both Perish II.
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1.
"That day must come when men will understand that freedom and daily bread enough to satisfy all are unthinkable and can never be had together, as men will never be able to fairly divide the two among themselves. And they will also learn that they can never be free, for they are weak, vicious, miserable nonentities born wicked and rebellious. Thou has promised to them the bread of life, the bread of heaven; but I ask Thee again, can that bread ever equal in the sight of the weak and the vicious, the ever ungrateful human race, their daily bread on earth? And even supposing that thousands and tens of thousands follow Thee in the name of, and for the sake of, Thy heavenly bread, what will become of the millions and hundreds of millions of human beings to weak to scorn the earthly for the sake of Thy heavenly bread? Or is it but those tens of thousands chosen among the great and the mighty, that are so dear to Thee, while the remaining millions, innumerable as the grains of sand in the seas, the weak and the loving, have to be used as material for the former?" ~Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Grand Inquistor "...God is dead!" ~Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spake Zarathustra
2.
"Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me." ~Psalm 42 As deep calls to deep, so do the prayers to God that remain unanswered in silence, let me pass away into dust and be no more, like the cries that rise up to you.
3.
“Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” ~1 Corinthians 15:55 This is Light swallowed up in Death - O' Death, where is your victory? Where is your sting? It is here.
4.
"Ye rich and ye poor, ye loved and ye unloved, ye mighty and ye lowly: we will know death and we shall know death in full." "Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man." ~Friedrich Nietzsche "Through me you pass into the city of woe: Through me you pass into eternal pain: Through me among the people lost for aye... Before me things create were none, save things Eternal, and eternal I endure. All hope abandon, ye who enter here. ...These of death No hope may entertain: and their blind life So meanly passes, that all other lots They envy. Fame of them the world hath none, Nor suffers; Mercy and Justice scorn them both. Speak not of them, but look, and pass them by.” ~Dante Aligheri, The Divine Comedy
5.
"...Why, Lord, do you reject me and hide your face from me? From my youth I have suffered and been close to death; I have borne your terrors and am in despair. Your wrath has swept over me; your terrors have destroyed me. All day long they surround me like a flood; they have completely engulfed me. You have taken from me friend and neighbor— darkness is my closest friend." ~Psalm 88 "Look away from me, that I may enjoy life again before I depart and am no more.” ~Psalm 39 Nascentes morimur et omnia mors aequat. O' quam cito transit gloria mundi! Ave mortis (edax rerum). Amen. (Translation: From the moment we are born, we begin to die, and Death makes all things equal. O' how quickly passes away the glory of the world! Hail Death (the devourer of things). Amen.)
6.
“The heaviest of burdens crushes us, we sink beneath it, it pins us to the ground. ...The heaviest of burdens is therefore simultaneously an image of life's most intense fulfillment. The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become. Conversely, the absolute absence of burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant. What then shall we choose? Weight or lightness?” ~Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being
7.
"“Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher. “Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.” What do people gain from all their labors at which they toil under the sun? Generations come and generations go, but the earth remains forever. The sun rises and the sun sets, and hurries back to where it rises. The wind blows to the south and turns to the north; round and round it goes, ever returning on its course. All streams flow into the sea, yet the sea is never full. To the place the streams come from, there they return again. All things are wearisome, more than one can say. The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing. What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. Is there anything of which one can say, “Look! This is something new”? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time. No one remembers the former generations, and even those yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow them." ~Ecclesiastes 1 "Do you see the slightest evidence anywhere in the universe that creation came to an end with the birth of man? Do you see the slightest evidence anywhere out there that man was the climax toward which creation had been straining from the beginning? ...Very far from it. The universe went on as before, the planet went on as before. Man's appearance caused no more stir than the appearance of jellyfish." ~Daniel Quinn, Ishmael
8.
"I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return." ~Ecclesiastes 3 "Ash to ash and dust to dust, All men will crumble beneath moth and rust."
9.
"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful ones." ~Psalm 116:15
10.
"...Listen, listen! He said that if they dug his father's body up, it would be gone. They planted a seed over his grave. The seed became a tree. Moses said his father became a part of that tree. He grew into the wood, into the bloom. And when a sparrow ate the tree's fruit, his father flew with the birds. He said... death was his father's road to awe. That's what he called it. The road to awe." ~Darren Aronofsky, The Fountain
11.
"And so I see your feet again, Jesus, which then were the feet of a young man when shyly I undressed them and washed them; how they were entangled in my hair, like white deer in the thornbush. And I see your never-loved limbs for the first time, in this night of love. We never lay down together and now we have only adoring and watching over. But look, your hands are torn--: beloved, not from me, not from any bites of mine. your heart is open and anyone can enter: It should have been the way in for me alone. Now you are tired, and your tired mouth has no desire for my aching mouth--. O Jesus, Jesus, when was our hour? Now we both wondrously perish." ~Rainier Maria Rilke, Pieta
12.
"The greatest weight.-- What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: "This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you, all in the same succession and sequence - even this spider and this moonlight between the trees, and even this moment and I myself. The eternal hourglass of existence is turned upside down again and again, and you with it, speck of dust!" Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus?... Or how well disposed would you have to become to yourself and to life to crave nothing more fervently than this ultimate eternal confirmation and seal?" ~Nietzsche, The Gay Science
13.
“It is not that we have so little time but that we lose so much. ... The life we receive is not short but we make it so; we are not ill provided but use what we have wastefully.” ~Seneca, On the Shortness of Life
14.
"And I said, “I beg you to come into my house.” And it was all that was sod in me, and all that was sky in me calling unto Him. Then He looked at me, and the noontide of His eyes was upon me, and He said, “You have many lovers, and yet I alone love you. Other men love themselves in your nearness. I love you in your self. Other men see a beauty in you that shall fade away sooner than their own years. But I see in you a beauty that shall not fade away, and in the autumn of your days that beauty shall not be afraid to gaze at itself in the mirror, and it shall not be offended. “I alone love the unseen in you.”" ~Kahlil Gibran, Jesus, Son of Man
15.
"To be, or not to be? That is the question— Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And, by opposing, end them? To die, to sleep— No more—and by a sleep to say we end The heartache and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to—’tis a consummation Devoutly to be wished! To die, to sleep. To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there’s the rub, For in that sleep of death what dreams may come When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause. There’s the respect That makes calamity of so long life." ~Hamlet, Act III, Scene I
16.
"Where shall you seek beauty, and how shall you find her unless she herself be your way and your guide? And how shall you speak of her except she be the weaver of your speech? The aggrieved and the injured say, "Beauty is kind and gentle. Like a young mother half-shy of her own glory she walks among us." And the passionate say, "Nay, beauty is a thing of might and dread. Like the tempest she shakes the earth beneath us and the sky above us." The tired and the weary say, "beauty is of soft whisperings. She speaks in our spirit. Her voice yields to our silences like a faint light that quivers in fear of the shadow." But the restless say, "We have heard her shouting among the mountains, And with her cries came the sound of hoofs, and the beating of wings and the roaring of lions." At night the watchmen of the city say, "Beauty shall rise with the dawn from the east." And at noontide the toilers and the wayfarers say, "we have seen her leaning over the earth from the windows of the sunset." In winter say the snow-bound, "She shall come with the spring leaping upon the hills." And in the summer heat the reapers say, "We have seen her dancing with the autumn leaves, and we saw a drift of snow in her hair." All these things have you said of beauty. Yet in truth you spoke not of her but of needs unsatisfied, And beauty is not a need but an ecstasy. It is not a mouth thirsting nor an empty hand stretched forth, But rather a heart enflamed and a soul enchanted. It is not the image you would see nor the song you would hear, But rather an image you see though you close your eyes and a song you hear though you shut your ears. It is not the sap within the furrowed bark, nor a wing attached to a claw, But rather a garden for ever in bloom and a flock of angels for ever in flight. People of Orphalese, beauty is life when life unveils her holy face. But you are life and you are the veil. Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror. But you are eternity and your are the mirror." ~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
17.
"Lucy looked along the beam and presently saw something in it. At first it looked like a cross, then it looked like an aeroplane, then it looked like a kite, and at last with a whirring of wings it was right overhead and was an albatross. It circled three times round the mast and then perched for an instant on the crest of the gilded dragon at the prow. It called out in a strong sweet voice what seemed to be words though no one understood them. After that it spread its wings, rose, and began to fly slowly ahead, bearing a little to starboard. Drinian steered after it not doubting that it offered good guidance. But no one but Lucy knew that as it circled the mast it had whispered to her, “Courage, dear heart,” and the voice, she felt sure, was Aslan’s, and with the voice a delicious smell breathed in her face." ~C. S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
18.
"By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God my Rock, “Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?” My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, “Where is your God?” Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." ~Psalm 42
19.
“Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” ~C.S. Lewis "Love rebels not. It only leaves the trodden way of ancient destinies for the sacred grove, To sing and dance its secret to eternity. Love is youth with chains broken, Manhood made free from the sod, And womanhood warmed by the flame And shining with the light of heaven deeper than our heaven. Love is a distant laughter in the spirit. It is a wild assault that hushes you to your awakening. It is a new dawn unto the earth, A day not yet achieved in your eyes or mine, But already achieved in its own greater heart. " ~Kahlil Gibran, The Earth Gods
20.
"Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”" ~Revelation 21
21.
“The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing — to reach the Mountain, to find the place where all the beauty came from — my country, the place where I ought to have been born. Do you think it all meant nothing, all the longing? The longing for home? For indeed it now feels not like going, but like going back.” ~Till We Have Faces, C. S. Lewis "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." ~Soren Kierkegaard You It's always been you You pull me through Lover, I cling to you Like a sailor to a mast in stormy seas Holding on for dear life, Oh, I cling to you Your words – when you said that you’re faithful and true. I’m waiting for that day when I get to see your face, I’m waiting for that day when I sleep for the last time, When I rise and shake off the morning dust, When my body crumbles into ash, When I open my eyes from sleep, When the Earth beneath my feet gives way, I’ll know I’m finally home. Oh God, I’m home.

about

A sonic declaration of human suffering and and critique on art and the Church, The Silent God is the latest and most ambitious effort by Ellicott City native and currently Chicago-based artist Crawl Across the Sky. Composed of multiple elements from post-metal soundscapes and lush orchestration, these twenty-one tracks, altogether spanning a playtime of almost an hour and half, explore the possibility of purposeful human existence, universal suffering, and the existence of an omni-benevolent, omniscient, and omnipotent god.

Multi-instrumentalist, composer, and producer Nathan Kwon (ex-Tapestry, the Band), the mind behind musical projects Crawl Across the Sky, Haeun, Lavender, Ashen Swan, and Copernican, has embarked beyond his usual ambient and drone territory and also engages with post-metal, orchestral, and black metal elements to create an unusual narrative, utilizing genres to allow listeners to partake in an aural odyssey of emotion and philosophy. Tracked, produced, mixed, and mastered in both a small bedroom in Ellicott City, Maryland and in a dorm room in Wheaton, Illinois, with the help of talented vocalists Hannah Lane and Charis McIntyre, The Silent God is a raw and honest attempt by a small independent musician to express his journey of faith and life.
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For anyone who's suffered with mental illness or grief, and anyone who's felt like God just stripped everything away from you - I hope this album is a reminder of hope for you. Things can get better. I promise.

Resources for you:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1 (800) 273-8255
www.nationaleatingdisorders.org
www.heartsupport.com
www.mentalhealth.gov

Thank you:

To Charis McIntyre and Hannah Lane - this album would not be what is without your lovely voices.
To Jacki Olson, for your lovely vision for the artwork.
To Grace Kim, for helping me with the photography and being so supportive.
To Jae Jin, for helping me with logistics and giving me advice.
To you - thank you for taking the time to listen.

And most importantly, to
You.

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released December 12, 2017

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Crawl Across the Sky Baltimore, Maryland

as long as i breathe, this void will starve

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